Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
