Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
