When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
