I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
