I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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