she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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