it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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