Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
