Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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