Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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