I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize