Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
