i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize