just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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