just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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