she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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