Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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