based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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