Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
