I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
