I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
