I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
