I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
