You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
