I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
