I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
