but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
even my farts smell like vagina
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
