He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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