So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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