The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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