Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
my poor anus
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