I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
