I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
