I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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