the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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