I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
