ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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