If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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