I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
