Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
A bitchslap is in order.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
