You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
