Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
