I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize