my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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