when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
