His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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