i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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