By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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