I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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