I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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