she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
