New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
