Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I had to cum in my sink.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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