Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
