omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
