apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
