Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Tell her she can't have a vagina
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
