So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
