i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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