I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize