brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just gift wrapped bread.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
