I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
