Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
