my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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