Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
